In the final week of my 21 days of prayer and fasting, God validated and confirmed what He spoke in the beginning. I began to understand quiet confidence in a deeper way, and developed a deeper trust in God’s timing. When we press in, God moves.
Day 15: Constant + Unconditional
“‘Return to me, and I will return to you,’ says the Lord Almighty” (Malachi 3:7).
When I began the 21 day of prayer and fasting, I was worried that my relationship with God would feel different. I was worried I wouldn’t be able to move past the feeling that I had disappointed my heavenly father. I was worried that my faith would no longer feel personal since I struggled to trust myself; however, the very nature of God is that He is unchanging. There is something so healing and personal about experiencing the consistent and unconditional love of Christ in our variable and changing seasons. God’s love does not change. God’s pursuit for my heart does not change. God’s plan for my life does not change.
“But for you who revere my name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its rays” (Malachi 4:2).
Day 16 and 17: Faith without Limits
To end the last few days of prayer and fasting, I decided to read through the book of John. When I was first saved, I was encouraged to read through John to kick start my personal walk with Jesus. Sometimes we must reconnect with the joy of our salvation. Later that Tuesday night, I had clinicals on a labor and delivery unit. While assisting a post C-section mom in the PACU, she began to exhibit signs of severe complications. I was the only one present at her bedside, and was forced to respond quickly despite feeling extremely overwhelmed and over my head. Thankfully, both mother and baby are now healthy. As I left clinical that morning, I felt a little annoyed at God to be honest. I had been praying for an easy and smooth clinical experience. I declared peace and joy over the night despite how much I struggled to enjoy this clinical rotation. Unfortunately, I also made the mistake of praying that God would use me (what was I thinking…lol). As I left, I felt God saying He was proud of me. I realized how tame my anxiety was during the crisis. I grew in confidence and developed important skills for the nursing field. Despite my lack of training, I was able to respond in a way that possibly saved this mother’s life. And then I felt God challenging me in my faith.
How often do I want God to use me to build His kingdom, but then place limits on what I think I am capable of being used to do. I limit my faith to my current level of confidence. I limit my faith to the labels I have received from others. I limit my faith to how I am feeling. When we limit our faith to what we can do, we never experience the full extent of the miracles and wonders that God can do through us. I want to live a life of faith without limits.
“For the one whom God has sent speaks the words of God, for God gives the Spirit without limits” (John 4:34).
“When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus” (Acts 4:13).
Day 18: The Door Looks Different
Day 18, March 5, 2020, is a day that will remain very significant in my spiritual journey. It was a day that God validated and spoke a very clear message to my heart. As mentioned in my previous blog, I wrote that I felt like God had prophesied Haggai 2:9 over my year. Fast Forward to the next Thursday night, I got a call from my work saying they were overstaffed and didn’t need me to come in. I quickly decided to attend the Young Adult service at my church since I now had an open evening. We had a guest speaker, and I was excited to attend after weeks of being unable to due to work. The guest speaker opened his message by revealing that he felt like God had asked him to change his message that morning. He felt that someone attending needed to hear this new message. He then asked us to open up our Bibles to John 7. My bookmark was literally already on that page, as that was exactly where my 21 days of prayer and fasting reading had taken me. I immediately felt God’s nudge in my heart. He then shared the verse Haggai 1:9 which says,
“‘You expect much, but see, it turned out to be little. What you brought home, I blew away. Why?’ declares the Lord Almighty. ‘Because of my house, which remains a ruin while each of you is busy with your own house.’” (Haggai 1:9).
Sometimes, the areas in our life where we feel that we blew it were really blown away by God. Doors don’t shut on their own. Sometimes God calls us away from opportunities that are outside of our purpose. We do not have to prove our potential. We have a God given purpose that will come to fruition in its God given time. This message validated exactly what God had already been speaking to my heart. 2020 will be a year of slow growth on good soil, and the new house God is building will be more glorious than the former.
Day 19: Fragrance of Sacrifice + Surrender
“Then Mary took about a pint of pure nard, an expensive perfume; she poured it on Jesus’ feet and wiped his feet with her hair. And the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume” (John 12:3).
As I continued my journey through the book of John, I was captivated by the imagery in this verse. I love the idea that our spirit of sacrifice and surrender can fill the space around us. Generosity and servitude can be contagious. It creates a beautiful aroma that is refreshing in a world filled with selfish ambition and greed. I am reminded to never doubt that power of putting yourself second. I pray that I can have a spirit saturated in the fresh fragrance of sacrifice and holy surrender.
Day 20-21: Jump into the Water
“Then the disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, ‘It is the Lord!’ As soon as Peter heard him say, ‘It is the Lord,’ he wrapped his outer garment around him and jumped into the water” (John 21:7).
As I read this verse I was reminded of the story of when Jesus walked on water. Peter demonstrates an eagerness and confidence in John 21 that wasn’t present in his previous encounter with Jesus on the stormy waters described in Matthew 14. .
“‘Lord, if it’s you,’ Peter replied, ‘tell me to come to you on the water.’ ‘Come,’ he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came towards Jesus” (Matthew 14:28-29).
While the contexts of the situations and the conditions of the waters are very different, the most important factor is consistent: Jesus. In Matthew 14, Jesus appears to the disciples on dangerous, rocky waves. The conditions were dangerous, and they were a considerable distance from land. Also, Jesus appears…WALKING on the water. Based on all human logic and understanding, it can’t be Jesus because that is impossible. Peter requires reassurance before he will walk towards Jesus. I imagine he slowly and cautiously exited the boat. As the story continues, we learn that Peter began to sink as the fear of the wind and waves began to overwhelm him. Jesus reaches out and catches Peter from sinking in the water, and He asks him: “You of little faith…why did you doubt?”.
Fast forward to where we find Peter in John 21. He is about 100 yards from shore in his fishing boat. The water is tame and the fishing is slow…until Jesus shows up. When Peter discovered Jesus standing on the shore, he didn’t ask for reassurance. In fact, it says in John 21 that none of the disciples asked who Jesus was…they just knew. Peter jumped into the water and ran towards Jesus. It’s important to remember that this encounter occurred after Jesus was crucified and resurrected. It was the third occasion that Jesus had appeared to the disciples. Despite Jesus’ presence on the shore defying logic and reason, Peter jumped into the water and ran. Talk about a demonstration of faith.
I love seeing Peter’s growth. It reminds me that God is not finished with me yet. My confidence and trust in Christ will continue to grow. My hesitation and fear will not always hold me back. I pray that my Spirit will have an eagerness and confidence to always take a leap of faith (without hesitation) towards wherever Jesus calls me.